I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
