it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
