Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
