My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
