You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
