I was born with a shot glass in my hand
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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