I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
