This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
