Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
