we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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