the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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