Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I didn't notice because vodka
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
