i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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