So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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