There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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