Have you finally orgasmed yet?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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