you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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