Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
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