you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
