i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
