none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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