I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize
