if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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