69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize