I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
