Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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