I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I party with great urgency now.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
