I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
