New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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