you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
