I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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