She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
