She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
