you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
