We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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