He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Randomize
