How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Randomize
