Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We just shotgunned beers for America
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
