I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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