I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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