I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
