So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Everything about him screamed your future.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
