My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
