i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
