***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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