I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
