The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
