To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
