Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Also, beer. Big fan.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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