Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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