If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
