dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
What drink are we having for lunch?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
