Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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