She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
