I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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