i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
