we have pet lesbian snakes
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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