Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
