apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
