I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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