I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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