Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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