Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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