I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Randomize
