The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
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