This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
i think i just lost a toe
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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