We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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