I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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