I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Did you just see the Batmobile???
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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