If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Come on in and take your pants off
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